My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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