my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
