I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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