Sry I called you an 8
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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