I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
