I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
