He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
