He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
