just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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