and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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