Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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