I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
