When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
