my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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