dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
