I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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