Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
