she was so not down for the gang bang
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
