WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
not ubering you a puppy
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
