the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
