My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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