I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
