member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
