After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
