This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
