where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
