I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize