This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
