I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
