she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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