It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
either way he was missing a nipple.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
