i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
