Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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