I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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