New low: just hacked my moms facebook
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
