You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
