Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
