He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
