dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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