were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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