i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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