I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
