i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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