I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize