Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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