Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
