Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
