I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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