Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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