The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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