How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
