Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
