Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
