if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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