My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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