heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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