I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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