thus making me awesome and them whores
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
