i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
