Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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