maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
