Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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