i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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