so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
