OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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